Thoughts on 1-27-2020

I have spent the last few days away from my husband as he’s been out of state for work. Usually, the first day or two he’s gone I stay pretty busy so I don’t dwell on that he’s not there, but by day 3 or 4 I start to struggle. I don’t sleep well when he’s not there and I truly miss the physical touch aspect of our marriage and I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about good morning hugs and goodbye kisses, wrapping his arms around me while I make dinner, smacking my butt while we do the dishes, etc. Even just going without those things for a couple of days it’s like my body recognizes there is something missing and it genuinely changes my mood. I start to feel lonely and a little down. I don’t just crave conversation, but I crave his spirit. We are truly one and when we aren’t together I’m not whole and my body, mind, and soul are very aware.  

My heart is heavy this morning thinking about this, because my husband has only been gone since Wednesday and I know that by this evening I will have him back in my arms and my spirit will be connected to its counterpart. We’ll be fine and back to normal by tomorrow morning. Something so simple that I take for granted every day. Yesterday was a day of great loss for a lot of people and not just the Bryant Family, some people I know personally and there are thousands I don’t. People lost half of their hearts and they will never get it back here on this earth.

I also know people who have experienced unbelievable loss in the last few years and I know the turmoil they’ve been in ever since. It doesn’t go away. It doesn’t get better with time. It just is what it is. Their soul is split and they are missing part of themselves. They may begin to function better as time goes on because people are adaptable, but they’re doing so with part of their soul missing. They can smile and laugh and it may look on the outside like they’re normal again, but they will never be “normal”, they will never fully be who they were before they lost a piece of themselves.

Life is so short and can be devastating. I have a belief in Jesus Christ that not only gives me hope but gives me peace. He is the ultimate comforter, the ultimate healer, the restorer of all things. That doesn’t mean that I don’t experience grief it just helps me in the ability to move. I don’t like to say “move forward” because I think sometimes it literally is just moving. Living after your people die seems impossible so getting up and still being present in the world at all is sometimes all you can do. The burden is impossible to carry alone. I pray that if you’re reading this and you’re trying to carry it alone that you’ll seek out God and let him help you.

Take time to slow down today. Reflect on your life and who your spirit is connected to. Love those people and just be present with them. All the other crap doesn’t matter.

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